8.02.2010

Smooth sailing or just the eye of the storm?

The past few weeks have brought a great deal of anxiety and stress my way. My stomach hasn't handled foods correctly in at least 8 days. I'll spare you the details but it feels yucky. The wedding shower was two Fridays ago and it was really lovely. Lots of great people came to celebrate; everyone was excited; the food and drink were good. It was much more of a "girls night out" than your typical Sunday brunch. There were no cheesey games but there was a theme drink called the Blue Hislastname (which was actually a personal jab against me b/c my aunts think I am a Really Bad Person for planning to keep my name).

There was other drama, too. My aunts are very in-your-face about stuff; my mom is very non-confrontational and non-aggressive. They picked on her for stupid shit, mostly because I think they felt they were working harder than she was (because they need things to be beyond perfect, whereas she needs them to be really awesome but is reasonable about her blood pressure). In fact, they made my mom cry. She ended up not having that much fun because they were mean to her prior to the party then scolded her for not being involved. Then when I was opening presents I was told I had to open them faster - but all the women said not to because they enjoyed seeing everything. Plus all eyes were on me so that made me feel a little crazy. It was a great time but I am just trying to create a picture in your mind of stupid little arguments, battles of opinions and a fight for control. Those issues seem to be common among most brides and have been a source of stress.

They've been pecking away at my shield of protective positive thoughts. Also. My parents are going through a ridiculous divorce. My dad is awful and I don't speak to him. The house my siblings and I grew up in is being sold and my mom is moving 30 minutes (FAR!) away. I am wavering about what I am going to go back to school to do. All that combined with the planning and financing of a wedding has made me a bit irritable. My fuse is shorter. Which in turn caused tension between Dave and me.

Then I went for a long walk and talked with Dave's sister and played with our dogs. It was a good two hour breather out in the woods where I kind of decided to let it go. She assured me that irritability and freakouts-over-nothing seem to happen to everyone before they get married (male and female). She said she knew a lot of people who break up, albeit very quietly, before their wedding. I focused on the fact Dave and I aren't near that point and the progress Dave and I made earlier in the day (bridesmaid dresses and groom/groomsmen attire all selected and ordered; first fitting in my dress that AM and I loved my dress more than I remembered!) and allowed that hurdle-jumping victory to be the center of my thoughts. When I went home I sat Dave down and we talked through some of our stupid little annoyances and concerns that seemed to be cropping up as a result of the stress we are both under (me in particular b/c of the family stuff). After that it was about 8 PM and we decided to cook a nice bolognese because it was cool and comfy. A delicious meal, cooked together, is always cathartic. We went to bed at 10 and slept for a solid 10 hours. In the morning I went to an awesome yoga class with my neighbor then came home to write shower thank-yous. Any lingering stress melted away. 

I feel so ready for the wedding to come -and to go. Finally, two months before the wedding, I feel I am able to just sit back and relax. Any worries I had seem to be really minor and manageable - so it's safe to say I feel like I am in my normal frame of mind. The weird 1-2 month period of out of control stress I felt is gone and I'm ready to ride this wave all the way to the wedding. 

Ahhhhh....

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