7.30.2010

Prince Creepy

Over on Psychology Today Anastasia Harrell talks about something I've always known but never before mulled over: If women all want a nice guy, why do Nice Guys TM (superscript the Trademark in your head; Blogger won't let me get all crazy with the font) always complain that women reject them (these are the guys with a million chick friends and their friends tell them "You're too nice".)?

And here is the thing: I have been out with a few of these guys and quickly extricated myself from the situation. There seems to be a genuine lack of confusion on the part of Nice Guy TM as to how to interact with women. They hear "women want a nice guy who is sensitive and buys them flowers" or something. We see it in pretty much every movie ever made that has a romantic bone in its body. Romance in these movies = stalking; hugely embarrassing displays of affection usually in the form of public singing where strangers give you dirty looks OR join in on the singing; women who need chocolate like they need air. 

Also, in these movies, the women take to the stalking.Women then think they want men who act this way. The thing is, men in movies don't really exist in real life (because guess what, moms of the earth: George Clooney isn't going to bang you but that marginally attractive man who is only 30% bald and has man boobs will.). Women complain about the unfair standards of beauty. And unfair standards of accepted female behavior. Men have to deal with the same shit! We expect men to know exactly how we want to be treated
without telling them and then get mad that they don't. What else do they have except Hollywood to get some answers? 

Then they try to be Mr. Romcom Nice Guy TM and its contrived. It's super phony. They're ACTING.It's like that weird, confusing thing women sometimes say "I want you to want to do X with me" (I think this is said in Knocked Up). Women don't want cheesey poems and flowers they want someone who can balance genuine interest with having some dignity. That last part - dignity - is what Nice Guys TM seem to lose when they're acting. They try so hard to please and don't understand that being interesting and independent is just as necessary as being a polite listener. Nice Guys TM come across as pathetic martyrs which is the opposite of dignified.

Be a guy, who is nice. Listen. Be polite. Say something genuine and sweet. But if you're trying too hard to abide by the etiquette book, have nothing to add to the conversation, know where her ex boyfriend works, and every comment comes out like "You look imaginary" (see article) then you're not a nice guy, you're a creepster.

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